He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
