Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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