She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
