I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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