You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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