hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
