god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Randomize
