Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize