please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
