A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
