guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
