So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
there is puke in my bra ... again
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