my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
