Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
