Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
