i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
