mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
