Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
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