True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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