you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
me + whiskey = a bad person
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
