i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
