Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
