Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Are my feet made of real feet?
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
