Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Randomize