Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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