she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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