She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
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