I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
