my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
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