respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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