drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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