Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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