i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Randomize
