the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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