the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
