mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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