i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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