Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Randomize
