She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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