I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
