her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
