You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
