Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
