and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
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