I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
