You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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