I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
