My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
