if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
