then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
