imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
