what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
