If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
