We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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