even my farts smell like vagina
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize