I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
