Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
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