Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
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