YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
