i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Drunk is not a location!
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
