I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Randomize
