Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Randomize
