I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
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