there's paper in my vomit.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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