you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
we're chasing vodka with high fives
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Randomize
