i just google imaged poop.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Randomize