Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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