I wanna bring you to show and tell
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
He told me they were just razor bumps!
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
