Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Randomize
