shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
