I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
