end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
