God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
