Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
