I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
