did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Randomize
