Is it normal to miss your booty call?
i may or may not be watching the land before time
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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