hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Randomize
