glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
