I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
